Sunday, November 22, 2009

happily never after.

hi, again.

i understand if you've lost hope in this blog.

i kind of have too, but i'll plow on.

i've been mia since july. shameful.

what's been going on?

nothing. plenty of things have fallen apart though.

there is still a boy who likes me, and i still do not plan on reciprocating his feelings.

there have been two boys i've had things for, and both have started dating someone else.

a day has happened where i finally said "i give up." and for the most part, i have.

i'm not looking. i'm trying not to care. i'm simply going about my days, which go like this:
  • school
  • work
  • homework
  • sleep
  • free time: yeah right, but if i have any i read or watch tv [it's a nice, mindless escape]
you see, i think girls screw themselves over. we grow up on disney, where the prince always saves the day. we get older, and we read nicholas sparks, the master of the heartbreaking yet touching love story we all long for, and twilight [let's face it: ultimate book of happy endings], and nora roberts. we still hold onto the hope that we will one day be the heroines in our own story.

why do we do this?

why do we cling to the hope that it will one day be real for us? why do we keep reading the magazines with the "7 ways to make him fall for you!", watching the movies that make it seem that everything is falling apart, and yet they still live happily ever after?

so forgive me, for being a cynic. i've finally admitted it: i am a cynic towards love.

forgive me, for my skepticism of the 7 ways to make him love me articles, for my skepticism of the happiliy ever after books and movies to which we so cling.

forgive me for stopping my active search for a man, and believing that i am worth being sought out - because i am.

forgive me for still believing, deep down, that one day, it will be real for me.

but know i am not going to accept it easily. whoever the extraordinarily lucky man is who will marry me better be ready to prove himself, because right now, i am not a willing believer.

forgive me for the fact that is my current viewpoint.

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