Saturday, December 5, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
are you getting tired of pictures of me?
i'm kind of getting tired of finding them.
remember guy number 2 on the list from last post?
go read it.
then we can continue with this discussion.
i was on facebook [aka, procrastination central] the other night, and he started chatting with me.
i finally decided to ask what he wanted from me.
his answer? just to get to know me better and see if it went anywhere naturally.
yeah. ok. please remember i've been dropping
so i finally had to be blunt. and tell him i just wasn't interested.
his response? "ah."
maybe that problem has been taken care of.
that dress? prom my senior year.
the boy that took me? is single again. might have had a dream the other night that he was still in love with me.
who was sad when they woke up? me.
i'll admit it. i'm lonely. so sue me.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
[please ignore the hideousness of this photo. i'm working from a library computer, and only have access to twitpic.]
so, my dating life is pretty non-existent, but i can be mostly to blame for this.
you see, i am picky.
not picky as in "you wear ugly shoes, no way will i go out with you" but picky as in "you kind of creep me out because your hair is blue (true story)."
so there is this boy. actually, there are two boys.
with both of them, i think all i would have to do is say the word, and we could start dating.
you may be asking, "what's the problem? go out with one of them already!"
this brings us back to me being picky.
boy number 1:
- has liked me for a year
- would date me in a heartbeat
- is a good friend
- is leaving in january
problem: i am not attracted to him in any way, shape, form or fashion. i can't help it [i've tried].
conclusion for boy number one: i feel bad. really bad. because i want him to give up on me. i've told him it's not going anywhere. other people we're both friends with have told him it's not going anywhere. and yet...he still carries a torch. awesome. but not. probably i should stop communicating with him completely. but then i would feel bad because that would be rude. and i am not generally a rude person.
boy number 2:
- moved here for reasons you do not wish to know about
- occasionally has blue hair
- has made me want to dive under my library desk on multiple occasions
- keeps trying to buy me presents [presents freak me out. i feel like i owe you something.]
- reminds me a whole lot of first boy i dated and we know how that ended [not well]
- dressed up as a cat for halloween [and apparently decided to act like on as well. fortunately, i only heard about this second-hand]
Sunday, November 22, 2009
i understand if you've lost hope in this blog.
i kind of have too, but i'll plow on.
what's been going on?
nothing. plenty of things have fallen apart though.
there is still a boy who likes me, and i still do not plan on reciprocating his feelings.
there have been two boys i've had things for, and both have started dating someone else.
a day has happened where i finally said "i give up." and for the most part, i have.
i'm not looking. i'm trying not to care. i'm simply going about my days, which go like this:
- free time: yeah right, but if i have any i read or watch tv [it's a nice, mindless escape]
why do we do this?
why do we cling to the hope that it will one day be real for us? why do we keep reading the magazines with the "7 ways to make him fall for you!", watching the movies that make it seem that everything is falling apart, and yet they still live happily ever after?
so forgive me, for being a cynic. i've finally admitted it: i am a cynic towards love.
forgive me, for my skepticism of the 7 ways to make him love me articles, for my skepticism of the happiliy ever after books and movies to which we so cling.
forgive me for stopping my active search for a man, and believing that i am worth being sought out - because i am.
forgive me for still believing, deep down, that one day, it will be real for me.
but know i am not going to accept it easily. whoever the extraordinarily lucky man is who will marry me better be ready to prove himself, because right now, i am not a willing believer.
Friday, July 31, 2009
how long have i been putting this off?
too long, i know.
i haven't had much to say.
i still don't have much to say, but i'm going to say it anyway.
first off, allow me to introduce myself.
i'm amanda. i'm co-writing this blog with the Bee.
we're both in college.
and we're both currently single.
i can only speak for myself, but i suppose you could call my musings a chronicle.
of stuff i wish i knew, what i learn, what i should have learned sooner, and the general goings-on in the time i spend with boys.
so what are these current goings-on?
the boy i wouldn't mind liking me does not. i've been forced to accept that he's just not that into me. for now. a girl can hope, right?
the boy that does like me? i don't really like him. even though i love being his friend.
there's also a good chance i could be in serious like with the boy i consider my best guy friend ever.
the right choice is obvious.
i should choose...the boy that likes me. that compliments me. that enjoys spending time with me.
i should not choose...the boy that i never hear from and stopped talking to me for a good month and a half after taking a walk one morning.
and i should...leave the best friend alone, especially since he refuses to talk to me at this point in time.
am i going to take my own sound and logical advice?
most likely not.
i suppose some background is in order.
i had my first real boyfriend sophomore year in high school. we dated for over two years. he didn't work out so well.
i dated a nice, new boy the second semester of senior year. he was a boy scout. he paid. he would come by my house just to see me for 5 minutes on his way home. then that stopped. he went on a scout trip. and came back and dumped me. i don't like boy scouts anymore. this is why.
i'm sorry for my prejudice.
either way, amanda got used to having someone there.
amanda is not used to being alone, even though she's been that way for a year now.
i wish i knew...that there a was a nice boy made just for me in the very near future.
what i've learned...logical decisions aren't always the right ones.
what i should have learned sooner...not to get used to having a boy around.
thank you for allowing me to waste your time musing on yet another subject =]